iPhone: what a lifesaver

Thankfully Christmas is drawing to a close. About the only thing that kept me going was my iPhone. Being a tight bastard I was adament I wouldn't buy any applications for it, but I 'splashed out' on Ronnie O' Sullivan's snooker @ 59p:



Cunningly you can play people over the internet and make comments to each other as you play. I've had some good banter with opponents and it's fair to say there has been a fair bit of sledging going on. A well-timed "Miss you bastard" can reap dividends. I'm in good company as there are plenty of weirdos playing online. One kept telling me that he liked eating chicken and marmite...

Another ridiculous app is Doodle Jump @59p which is insanely addictive and irritating in equal measure:



Finally an incredible app is Internet Radio Box @59p which basically lets you listen to any internet radio station in the world and effectively turns your iPhone into a DAB radio:



I vowed to myself that I would not join the iPhone crowd but I gave in. Glad I did - it's a geek's dream. It seems to be capable of doing almost anything.

Airport scanners

I wonder whether Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab is regretting his recent exploits now that he has badly burnt legs and genitals. Shame eh? The icing on the cake is that he will undoubtedly spend the rest of his days in an underground prison cell in the USA.

It's looking increasingly like airport scanners will soon be implemented in all airports. I feel sorry for the airport staff having to look at lots of images of ugly naked people. I wonder whether only female officers will be able to view women and only male officers view men...I'm not that bothered about them. I don't like the idea of being x-rayed every time I fly but I hear the radiation level is quite low - I found this:

"Every day you're exposed to 80 times as much radiation as this machine gives you in one scan. If you fly across country, you're going to get exposed to 200 times the radiation just from being in that airplane than you would be getting scanned by this machine.'

I suppose it's a small price to pay for your plane not disintegrating at 40,000 feet.

By the way I don't know where they found that image of me.

John Shuttleworth

I've recently discovered this guy. Absolutely hilarious. I would urge you to watch this video below. It never fails to amuse me:

Two margarines

And I thought the 90s were bad...

First of all can I say how grumpy I am about the phrase 'noughties'. I've never liked it.

What a horrendous decade... I began it at the age of 21 and exited the other end 31. Says it all really. I've lost most of the hair on the top of my head (nice) and I'm 15 and a half stone.

I'm still single and I've had to watch most of my friends either marry or settle in long-term relationships. Brilliant.

I've gone from crap job to crap job- oh and I was punched in the face when I was a teacher. Now I'm 31 and am still a long way away from getting a new career sorted.

Perhaps the only positive thing to come out of the decade was a year I spent travelling around the world. If there was any light at the end of the horrfically long, badly-lit tunnel this was it.

Facebook: familiarity breeds contempt

Thought I would start off as I mean to go on - with a grumpy post all about Facebook. I've been on Facebook a while now, couldn't say how long must have been a couple of years now. Like everyone else it was brilliant at first - it was an exciting innovation that seemed to fill a previously uncatered need. It was fun adding friends and having an easy, quick way to catch up with people and send messages. No longer was losing your phone an issue - it doesn't matter - everyone's on FB. Suddenly e-mail looked so old and out-of-date. Having been on a round-the-world trip, Facebook was brilliant. When you meet people and got on well with them one of the first things you asked was "Are you on Facebook?" It was great way to keep in touch, and for that matter it still is. However, it's all got a bit boring now and I know I'm not alone in coming to this conclusion. If you were to plot Facebook on the product life cycle (I know I'm a geek) it would most definitely be in its maturity stage. People are already looking to something new.

For me, Facebook works well when people post interesting or amusing thoughts, videos or pictures. I, for example, usually attempt to be witty in a characteristically self-deprecating manner. Being of a grumpy nature, one of my pet hates is people posting how happy they are. I don't want to know how much fun everyone else is having. I want to know what an equally mediocre and depressing time everyone else is having. I can't abide updates such as "I'm loving it" as my good friend recently wrote to which I had to reply "I'm bloody not". Honestly. I'd like to hear updates such as "I had a crap day today, got really pissed off. Look forward to similar misery tomorrow."

Oh and the 'like' button on Facebook. Don't get me started on that. If it's not bad enough to hear a sickeningly positive and cheerful message about how wonderful someone's day is, you're then subjected to the acknowledgment of other equally smug and happy people who appreciate their happy musings. It makes me want to smash my laptop into small pieces. I want a 'loathe' button.

It's not just happy people (incidentally in general not just on Facebook) that annoy me. It's the inane status updates such as "So bored, off to the cinema". Hateful. And then there are the cryptic updates should as "Should I or shouldn't I?" No you bloody shouldn't, now piss off.